Vanessa Kade (@VanessaKade) | 1 month ago

You know when someone is really awful at a poker table, it usually works out that they end up getting the winning side of a bunch of wicked coolers against you?
Not this time.
This guy had only been at the table about half an hour and was belligerent drunk and very very loud, aggressively informing every opponent he won a hand against that "THAT'S how you win a pot", while pointing in their faces and carrying on.
He quickly (and loudly) started making a ton of very racist comments (remarking "THOSE people" a lot) and trying to argue politics even though no one would engage.
In the span of 15 minutes he probably said at least 5 of the top 10 most outrageous things I've ever heard anyone say at a poker table and had been warned by floor to knock it off while the table silently looked around at each other sharing looks of disbelief.
So as is usually the case, while the whole table is hoping for this guy to crash and burn he got lucky in a number of hands and had gotten a bit of a stack.
As this hand was dealt, security and floor were standing behind him with a rack for his chips, about to escort him out as soon as the hand concluded.
When he bet the turn, and it was my action, he tauntingly chirped, "GO AHEAD SWEETHEART," goading me to make a move.
I paused as if considering a fold, and instead stared him down as I piled my chips in to make it look like a bluff. He snapped me off, and triumphantly turned over AJ before the dealer put the river out, and then was promptly escorted out by security at the conclusion of the hand.
The table was visibly resisting audible cheers, and as soon as he was out of sight half the table reached over to give me a fist bumps.
It never works out that way - simultaneously hilarious and so satisfying.